Eyes Full of Empty Hearts

Our hands are never empty. 

Our eyes are ever filled with images 

that claim our lives are not what they could be. 

But images are fantasies of lives that don't exist, 

of happiness hiding in places it does not exist. 

We fill our hands and eyes with emptiness 

and wonder why we don't find happiness.

Why am I Afraid?

I have lived much of my life afraid—afraid to fail, to succeed, to do something, to do nothing, afraid of God, afraid there is no God. Somehow I came to believe evil was more the color of this world than good. I learned to fear everything because everything was evil.

Can a universe created by God, who is good, be more evil than good? 

What was good in the world of my youth? God, the Bible, church, and Christians were the last bastions of good in an otherwise evil world. Whose ideas of good and evil did I receive?

Did those who taught me have it all right? 

Did I learn to search for God, to seek out what is true, or did I just learn what I should say and do so God would not punish me for eternity? Did I learn to look for evil so I could hide from it, or to look for beauty to reveal God who created? Did I learn to find the good in people, or to find whatever was different and call it evil? 

Look out at this world, or into your own mind, and you will find evil, but should we not pour more fervor into our search for what is good? What good is it to ask, "Where is God?" and then go searching for devils? 

Perhaps I would be less afraid if I stopped looking for things to fear.

Perhaps the question is not whether God is speaking, whether God is visible, but rather whether I am really listening and looking for God. 

Patience

There are times when I find myself impatient with a task, wanting to rush, frustrated with the time-consuming details.  It is not that I lack the time to do the task, so why do I get impatient?  Why do I want to cut corners when time is not at issue?  Would it not be better to slow down and enjoy the process of doing a task well without the oppressive burden of time?  It is good to learn to engage fully in each moment’s task without worry for whatever comes next.  

Being home is a good place to practice patience, especially when your work seems futile.  House work is repetitive without end.  The same tasks must be done regularly if the house is to be kept in order.  Why should a house be kept in proper order?  Why should any work be done by anyone?  We were made to be productive in some way.  We want to work, but we want our work to matter.  We want to be recognized as useful, competent.  When our work doesn’t seem useful or no one seems to notice, then we become restless and unmotivated.  Why are we, or perhaps it is only me, not satisfied to do a job well when there is no one to see it?  It is not enough to believe I have done a job well.  For some reason I need a second opinion, or a third, or more that affirms me for what I do.  How fickle and fragile is the human ego?  

The trick is getting to the place where we do what we do with all we have and without excuse, apology, or fear.  To learn from success and failure alike, but not to dwell much on either is good practice and will lead to satisfaction more often than merely seeking approval from others.  We should not be ashamed when we get it wrong nor arrogant when we get it right, but rather humble in either and willing to earn.  

We are all looking for God’s message to us.  Be honest, be humble, and do not give up the struggle for truth.  I search for truth because I know where I find it I find God.  Truth is not hidden in far-off places.  No, it is woven into the very fabric of the universe, and it can be found wherever we look.  We were made to notice, and what we notice has been imprinted with truth by God’s own hand.  So, what is God saying to us?